Visiting a doctor & feeling nervous !

Yesterday I was by a psychologist because of a traffic-psychological examination for my driver licence. They took it away because of smoking weed. At home already I felt a bit nervous. I applied Self-Forgiveness & breathed through this patterns.

I remembered me that I had always a different behave when I was by a doctor.

It was a Free-Institution and the most clients are strong mentally disturbed.

I walked in and I felt quite comfortable. I talked with some people, with one even about the equalmoney because he read a book about network-marketing. He was a pain-patient.

After talking with him I felt like a little knot in my Stomach, He spoke very fast and I tried to be here in the physical and not get nervous but how I remember I get a bit confused. I focused more on breathing. All in one I had to wait 2-3hours in the meanwhile a friend, markus, walked in for a urine-test, after he was finished we went out for smoking a cigarette and then nervousness started again, this point I am not sure, I think I have old patterns/programs within me about markus because I walked with him my spiritual-research-time & in this time we lived together.

Anyway this nervousness I kept within me, markus went home and I walked back into the waitingroom. Thoughts starting within me about I want to be a comfortable situation by the test because I need/want a “good” assessment from the doctor. I found the point of dishonesty because I didn´t want to show the doctor my true face, how I am at this moment. As I realized this I applied immediately Self-Forgiveness.

I had a lot of thoughts, what I will talk to him, I had a inner monolog with me – my breathing was restless. Few times I stopped, and the mind/thoughts become more silent, but the feeling of nervousness was still here but also not so strong.

Then the doc called my name, a queasy feeling comes up, I went in and we start to talk.

The whole conversation I had the feeling of nervousness but the mind was almost silent.

I tried to stay focused on breathing, my breathing was restless.

And I realized I was a bit unsure of my breathing because I didn´t want breathing loud, thus I breathed slowly & silent. This was a dishonest point because I wasn´t ready to stop this nervousness completely, I didn´t want that the doctor hear my breathing because of fearing he can make some negative assessments about me - thus I kept me within this delusion of nervousness. I found this reaction/uncertainty in some situations most in a society which I had not so much to do. Bank, Doctor, Hospital, …. (the high-society lol)

I forgive myself that I have accepted & allowed myself to fall into the same trap/illusion/delusion/design/pattern/program of nervousness again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted & allowed myself to believe in thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in thoughts/mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted & allowed myself to not stand in every moment in every situation in self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted & allowed myself to want suppress my self-created nervousness.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to hide my true face.

I forgive myself that I have accepted & allowed myself to become nervous especially by the doctors & bank employees.

I forgive myself for not allowing myself to stand equal as one with doctors & bank employees.

I forgive myself that I have accepted & allowed to judge myself when I fall again in emotional reactions especially nervousness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire stability.

I forgive myself that I have accepted & allowed myself to be unsure/uncertain by my expression of breathing especially when I feel nervousness.

I forgive myself for not standing in every moment by every breath in every thing what I do & what I talk in Self-Trust.

I forgive myself that I have accepted & allowed myself to have a desire that for getting a “good” assessment from the psychologist.

I forgive myself for accepting & allowing myself to see doctors/bank employees as a special person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted & allowed myself to define myself as nervous.

I forgive myself that I have accepted & allowed myself to believe that nervousness really exist.

But I have another meeting with him and than will see where I am & how I stand.

I will keep you updated.