Today I went for a walk with my doggies - closed to our land we have a railway road & the mainstreet is 10m beyond. So I went out and the doggies started to run straight to the railway road.
Some patterns of Anxiety & Fear comes up & thoughts started like its dangerous for the dogs, they can be killed by the train, they have to learn for the future, . Few days ago a had the same situation & the same re-action & I got a bit angry because they wanted not hear to me. I did not stand equal as one with the dead & with the self-responsibilty & the self-expression of the doggies.
3 years ago I took care of a cat from a friend. It was Silvester & the cat was quite afraid about the rockets noise. She was running outside from the house and I didn´t find her again. Next morning I woke up and I had also the feeling of anxiety within me about the cat. I felt it stronger than with the dogs, perhaps because I was on xtc. I was driven from this emotional reaction but in this time I didn´t correct myself – I participated & accepted blind the situation – I run few hours through the forest. I didn´t find her. But how I remember I stood very fast equal with this situation.
Last time I realized also that anxiety, fear comes up when I am a passenger in a car.
Other points of anxiety & fear which I have currently to do is in the night when I walk out & its completely dark, thoughts & Pictures about some burglar can stand front of me & do with me strange things, came up. Today I will test out again & correct myself & give up all my pictures & thoughts which I have allowed myself to enslave. No fear/fight for survival anymore
This kind of fear & anxiety about the night I had already when I was a child. I never wanted to sleep alone, I always needed my father or mother to go sleep until I was 9-10 years old. I tried one time to sleep alone in my own room but in this night we had storm and the window bars from my room wasn´t fixed therefore it makes loud noises. The whole night I can´t sleep, I had a lot of thought what that can be. I was thinking that someone is on the floor and make this noises or a burglar try to break into the house.
In my childhood I also had fear & anxiety that my parents can have sex together. This I don´t understand why. I do not see where it starts.
A dream in my childhood which was companied with fear & anxiety & it repeated many times – on the backside from our house we have a big lawn & there was 1000 of little tiny chicken babys & I stand in the middle. I was afraid to walk because when I walked it was possible that I crush this chicken babys. The ending of the dream was always I jumped high & flied away.
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