No more Doubt !

Doubt/Uncertainty = lack of Self-Responsibility & Self-Trust

without Self-Responisbility = blame others & judging oneself

blame others/judging oneself will you bring just deeper in your self-created/allowed illusion/deception

blame others & judging oneself = unaccaptable because you abuse others & oneself because you will be better than others or you make yourself shattered

without Self-Trust you participate within the mind because doupt is just a mind-projection.

participating in the mind = not here in this reality/physical (I have never seen thoughts/feelings/emotions running in front of me lol thus not real)

Thus I will no longer allow myself to be doubt/uncertain in any way whatsoever.
Thus I will no longer allow myself to abuse others or oneself by blaming others
or shattering oneself.
Thus I will no longer allow myself to participate/believe in the mind/thoughts/feelings/emotions

Thus I allow myself to stand here by every breath within & as the physical as Self-Responsibility
Thus I allow myself to stand here as Self-Trust in any way whatsoever
Thus I allow myself to stand here as equals as one as life

Some Situations where I re-act in Fear through my lifetime !

Today I went for a walk with my doggies - closed to our land we have a railway road & the mainstreet is 10m beyond. So I went out and the doggies started to run straight to the railway road.

Some patterns of Anxiety & Fear comes up & thoughts started like its dangerous for the dogs, they can be killed by the train, they have to learn for the future, .  Few days ago a had the same situation & the same re-action & I got a bit angry because they wanted not hear to me. I did not stand equal as one with the dead & with the self-responsibilty & the self-expression of  the doggies.

3 years ago I took care of a cat from a friend. It was Silvester & the cat was quite afraid about the rockets noise. She was running outside from the house and I didn´t find her again. Next morning I woke up and I had also the feeling of anxiety within me about the cat. I felt it stronger than with the dogs, perhaps because I was on xtc. I was driven from this emotional reaction but in this time I didn´t correct myself – I participated & accepted blind the situation – I run few hours through the forest. I didn´t find her. But how I remember I stood very fast equal with this situation.

Last time I realized also that anxiety, fear comes up when I am a passenger in a car.

Other points of anxiety & fear which I have currently to do is in the night when I walk out & its completely dark, thoughts & Pictures about  some burglar can stand front of me & do with me strange things, came up. Today I will test out again & correct myself & give up all my pictures & thoughts which I have allowed myself to enslave. No fear/fight for survival anymore

This kind of fear & anxiety about the night I had already when I was a child. I never wanted to sleep alone, I always needed my father or mother to go sleep until I was 9-10 years old. I tried one time to sleep alone in my own room but in this night we had storm and the window bars from my room wasn´t fixed therefore it makes loud noises. The whole night I can´t sleep, I had a lot of thought what that can be. I was thinking that someone is on the floor and make this noises or a burglar try to break into the house.

In my childhood I also had fear & anxiety  that my parents can have sex together. This I don´t understand why. I do not see where it starts.

A dream  in my childhood which was companied with fear & anxiety & it repeated many times – on the backside from our house we have a big lawn & there was 1000 of little tiny chicken babys & I stand in the middle. I was afraid to walk because when I walked it was possible that I crush this chicken babys. The ending of the dream was always I jumped high & flied away.

Visiting a doctor & feeling nervous !

Yesterday I was by a psychologist because of a traffic-psychological examination for my driver licence. They took it away because of smoking weed. At home already I felt a bit nervous. I applied Self-Forgiveness & breathed through this patterns.

I remembered me that I had always a different behave when I was by a doctor.

It was a Free-Institution and the most clients are strong mentally disturbed.

I walked in and I felt quite comfortable. I talked with some people, with one even about the equalmoney because he read a book about network-marketing. He was a pain-patient.

After talking with him I felt like a little knot in my Stomach, He spoke very fast and I tried to be here in the physical and not get nervous but how I remember I get a bit confused. I focused more on breathing. All in one I had to wait 2-3hours in the meanwhile a friend, markus, walked in for a urine-test, after he was finished we went out for smoking a cigarette and then nervousness started again, this point I am not sure, I think I have old patterns/programs within me about markus because I walked with him my spiritual-research-time & in this time we lived together.

Anyway this nervousness I kept within me, markus went home and I walked back into the waitingroom. Thoughts starting within me about I want to be a comfortable situation by the test because I need/want a “good” assessment from the doctor. I found the point of dishonesty because I didn´t want to show the doctor my true face, how I am at this moment. As I realized this I applied immediately Self-Forgiveness.

I had a lot of thoughts, what I will talk to him, I had a inner monolog with me – my breathing was restless. Few times I stopped, and the mind/thoughts become more silent, but the feeling of nervousness was still here but also not so strong.

Then the doc called my name, a queasy feeling comes up, I went in and we start to talk.

The whole conversation I had the feeling of nervousness but the mind was almost silent.

I tried to stay focused on breathing, my breathing was restless.

And I realized I was a bit unsure of my breathing because I didn´t want breathing loud, thus I breathed slowly & silent. This was a dishonest point because I wasn´t ready to stop this nervousness completely, I didn´t want that the doctor hear my breathing because of fearing he can make some negative assessments about me - thus I kept me within this delusion of nervousness. I found this reaction/uncertainty in some situations most in a society which I had not so much to do. Bank, Doctor, Hospital, …. (the high-society lol)

I forgive myself that I have accepted & allowed myself to fall into the same trap/illusion/delusion/design/pattern/program of nervousness again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted & allowed myself to believe in thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in thoughts/mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted & allowed myself to not stand in every moment in every situation in self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted & allowed myself to want suppress my self-created nervousness.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to hide my true face.

I forgive myself that I have accepted & allowed myself to become nervous especially by the doctors & bank employees.

I forgive myself for not allowing myself to stand equal as one with doctors & bank employees.

I forgive myself that I have accepted & allowed to judge myself when I fall again in emotional reactions especially nervousness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire stability.

I forgive myself that I have accepted & allowed myself to be unsure/uncertain by my expression of breathing especially when I feel nervousness.

I forgive myself for not standing in every moment by every breath in every thing what I do & what I talk in Self-Trust.

I forgive myself that I have accepted & allowed myself to have a desire that for getting a “good” assessment from the psychologist.

I forgive myself for accepting & allowing myself to see doctors/bank employees as a special person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted & allowed myself to define myself as nervous.

I forgive myself that I have accepted & allowed myself to believe that nervousness really exist.

But I have another meeting with him and than will see where I am & how I stand.

I will keep you updated.