I decide now not to write on that day when I was working because its a long time ago where I had a job where I had to work hard physically. So when I came home I felt always very tired and physical & I went straight to bed thus I missed always to write on this days. I work on this to become more comfortable/stable within me after working but I will write the day after about specific points what I have faced during working until I stand.
First I will write about the last writing (day5) because I have after seen that I have written that I got irritated because of their ignorence of life. This a point of blaming others/my neighbors and not standing self-responsible.
Yesterday I had a discussion with Markus about patterns & that we are the result of our parents. During the discussion I observed myself that I used many times the word awareness/attentiveness. After the discussion Markus tried to provocate me during working with the word awareness/attentiveness, he said "come on Klausi, you have to be more aware". In the beginning I saw that my self-created personality/patterns within me reacted a bit on this provocation & after a while the reaction became more intensive. He supported me well through his provokation to face my patterns of personality in points where I have defined/connected the word provokation with irritation. Also in taking some things/words personally.
In the ending of the discussion I saw that Markus wanted no longer talk about this and then I stopped but then a feeling of confusion comes up within me. I tried to stay focus on breathing. I had to do with some thoughts like "oh okay how it looks like Markus are not ready for correcting himself or rather for support - he like it to hold on his opinions - I will let him".
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